crying myself to sleep
i never thought that i'd think of you again. well at least, i never thought i'd be thinking about you in that way ever again. i think i'm weak. i'm not able to let go of you and it seems that you have. you have forgotten about us. about the times we spent together.
am i the only one who valued our relationship? or was i wrong to think that we could remain as we were forever? these questions simply replayed itselves over and over again in my mind. i don't have the answers to that.
i don't exactly know what went wrong between us. at least, i can't confirm it. i mean. you wouldn't talk about it and now i've no idea what happened between us.
kelly brought your name up. and for the next few moments, i simply became dumbfounded. it was simply difficult for me to carry on conversing properly. i could not shake your name out of my head.
"i met min in the train the other day, she's dancing for fado."
min. suddenly, it dawned on me that i haven't spoken to or of you in such a long time. when i told you about my injury, i sense the indifference amidst the cliched concerns. i don't think you care. why should you? we're no longer friends. we're just mere acquaintances who were once close. really close.
i've never cried about a woman before in my life. you're the first. and i'm determined to make you the last.
it's funny that at one point of time, i had told myself that if i was to marry. i'd only marry you. because i love you. and i still do. it's funny that i still feel that way now. no. it's not funny. it's sad.
you really really really hurt me. with the things you said and did. kelly asked me if i was sure you're not hurt by me. maybe you were upset that you were my cover up. i didn't know how to reply to that. i never forced you to be my cover up. remember when you so willingly announced that you were leslie's and my cover up without me even asking? we used to walk down the stretch of orchard hand in hand. stand in the train with you in my arms. i walked you home. i made sure you were alright. i made sure you were strong enough to face the world after marcus. and you. you helped me face the world. you helped me be strong. you kept me company and made me feel strong. and yet here i am. blogging. about you. when i don't think you even care. not anymore.
i just want all these to end. i just want to run away from here. forget everything that ever happened between us. but i cannot. i don't know how to. i tried so hard and failed. every time i thought i had succeeded, i fail.
the truth is, i'll always love you. and you. i don't think you'll ever know.
am i the only one who valued our relationship? or was i wrong to think that we could remain as we were forever? these questions simply replayed itselves over and over again in my mind. i don't have the answers to that.
i don't exactly know what went wrong between us. at least, i can't confirm it. i mean. you wouldn't talk about it and now i've no idea what happened between us.
kelly brought your name up. and for the next few moments, i simply became dumbfounded. it was simply difficult for me to carry on conversing properly. i could not shake your name out of my head.
"i met min in the train the other day, she's dancing for fado."
min. suddenly, it dawned on me that i haven't spoken to or of you in such a long time. when i told you about my injury, i sense the indifference amidst the cliched concerns. i don't think you care. why should you? we're no longer friends. we're just mere acquaintances who were once close. really close.
i've never cried about a woman before in my life. you're the first. and i'm determined to make you the last.
it's funny that at one point of time, i had told myself that if i was to marry. i'd only marry you. because i love you. and i still do. it's funny that i still feel that way now. no. it's not funny. it's sad.
you really really really hurt me. with the things you said and did. kelly asked me if i was sure you're not hurt by me. maybe you were upset that you were my cover up. i didn't know how to reply to that. i never forced you to be my cover up. remember when you so willingly announced that you were leslie's and my cover up without me even asking? we used to walk down the stretch of orchard hand in hand. stand in the train with you in my arms. i walked you home. i made sure you were alright. i made sure you were strong enough to face the world after marcus. and you. you helped me face the world. you helped me be strong. you kept me company and made me feel strong. and yet here i am. blogging. about you. when i don't think you even care. not anymore.
i just want all these to end. i just want to run away from here. forget everything that ever happened between us. but i cannot. i don't know how to. i tried so hard and failed. every time i thought i had succeeded, i fail.
the truth is, i'll always love you. and you. i don't think you'll ever know.
posted by ryanstarr @ 11:27 PM
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