on gay slurs..
singerS recently turned 21 and i planned for all his close friends (read: 5gays, 1lesbian and 1in-between) to get together and throw him a surprise dinner. we did. it was perfect. perfect restaurant. mag's wine kitchen. it was expensive but delicious. it's good for special occassion's sorta meals. not the "oh i don't have anything to eat at home, let's eat out" kinda meal! it's owned by a pair of lesbian couple. i think it's cute. joint venture. i'd like to do that with my lover some day. maybe we'll start on a joint bank account. or maybe not. i might just deplete all his life savings on my penchant to splurge! hehe.
anyways, the dinner was excellent, the wine was good. quite the aphrodisiac and quite the depressant. it plays on either one. the chef (i think she's the co-owner or she's mag.. not quite sure) is a butch. omg! i was so scared of her! she had more testosterone than all the guys at our table! but she serves great food and so i'm happy. and she's funny.
overheard conversations between her and staff.
"i don't want to be the background of your pictures! it's so tourist-y!"
and my ultimate favourite, said to one of her wait staff or assisstant cook.
"it's all your fault! now my fish tastes like shit! wot the hell is wrong with you!?" i bet that shook him up a bit! haha. seriously, i was telling missJ after that that perhaps they should change the restaurant name from mag's wine kitchen to mag's wine bitchen'. comic effect! you are suppose to laugh! haha. but in all serisouness, the place is magnifique!
anyway, i was reading a post about our dinner at popagandhi.com(she's one of singerS' close friends) and she quoted something that the wait staff was overheard saying.
“Is everybody at that table from Brokeback Mountain?”
it turned into a major debate in her comments page about gays and why this question is derogatory. first of all, it has to be said that if i were to hear it, it would have just flown pass my radar. i'd just laugh it off and that'll be it. i would not even consider the implications behind the remark made. so, i thank her.
i think people in general are so used to giving out remarks, that to them it is normal and innocent. looked upon as a joke. it's like when we jokingly talk about the mats or the bengs. when we tell mat jokes. it's not as if we are really racists but it has somewhat become socially okay to joke about it as long as it is in good humour. however, i couldn't help but wonder since when was it okay to talk about things like that?
and honestly, i think we, the gay people, are also partly to blame about things. we readily make fun of ourselves and bitch about other more flambouyant gays or lesbians and we expect people not to pick up on these things? of course, to us, it's just merry banter but who's to know what the other people listening would be thinking!? they would think that it's normal or okay!
i suppose it's the same as when the african-american people call each other "nigger" or "bitch" or "ho" and it's ok for them but when other people use it, it's a big racial slur.
my point is, we should stop doing all these. stop saying all these nonsense about each other. calling each other "fags" and our straight female friends "fag hags". it's an open invitation for the non-gay people to take advantage of the words and throw it back at us! why is it okay for us to degrade and insult ourselves and we expect others to respect us!?
i'm guilty of many of these things. it's like when my gay friends and i go out. there's a malay(me), 2 chinese(paris and nicole) and 1 chindian(missJ). my favourite line to say when we all sit down is, "look at us. we're like the mobile gay benetton ad!" or when i make jokes about the malays. there was once when a group of us were out(all of us being malays) and one of my friends exclaimed that he recently got himself a good job. almost by instinct, i said out loud, "at the local 7-11?" and we all burst out laughing. it was funny to us. but perhaps we didn't realise the implications of things like these. the effects it will have on the society-at-large listening in on our conversation. to them, it is okay to make these kind of jokes and remarks because the malays said it first!
and of course, the one thing that i am very guilty of that will make popagandhi really upset with me is when i saw a hott guy. he's a friend of one of my hags(see i'm using the word but without the fag!) and i immediately asked her, "is he brokeback?" she knows what i meant. and i was just making references to being gay. and it's wrong of me to do that. i'm just perpetuating the stereotype or the use of such terms as derogatory. and that's why i said that if popagandhi had not brought up the issue on her site, i wouldn't have known better. and if u're waiting for the answer. no, he is not gay!
so at the end, we should stop doing it to ourselves. i'm learning to. so all of us should! period.
anyways, the dinner was excellent, the wine was good. quite the aphrodisiac and quite the depressant. it plays on either one. the chef (i think she's the co-owner or she's mag.. not quite sure) is a butch. omg! i was so scared of her! she had more testosterone than all the guys at our table! but she serves great food and so i'm happy. and she's funny.
overheard conversations between her and staff.
"i don't want to be the background of your pictures! it's so tourist-y!"
and my ultimate favourite, said to one of her wait staff or assisstant cook.
"it's all your fault! now my fish tastes like shit! wot the hell is wrong with you!?" i bet that shook him up a bit! haha. seriously, i was telling missJ after that that perhaps they should change the restaurant name from mag's wine kitchen to mag's wine bitchen'. comic effect! you are suppose to laugh! haha. but in all serisouness, the place is magnifique!
anyway, i was reading a post about our dinner at popagandhi.com(she's one of singerS' close friends) and she quoted something that the wait staff was overheard saying.
“Is everybody at that table from Brokeback Mountain?”
it turned into a major debate in her comments page about gays and why this question is derogatory. first of all, it has to be said that if i were to hear it, it would have just flown pass my radar. i'd just laugh it off and that'll be it. i would not even consider the implications behind the remark made. so, i thank her.
i think people in general are so used to giving out remarks, that to them it is normal and innocent. looked upon as a joke. it's like when we jokingly talk about the mats or the bengs. when we tell mat jokes. it's not as if we are really racists but it has somewhat become socially okay to joke about it as long as it is in good humour. however, i couldn't help but wonder since when was it okay to talk about things like that?
and honestly, i think we, the gay people, are also partly to blame about things. we readily make fun of ourselves and bitch about other more flambouyant gays or lesbians and we expect people not to pick up on these things? of course, to us, it's just merry banter but who's to know what the other people listening would be thinking!? they would think that it's normal or okay!
i suppose it's the same as when the african-american people call each other "nigger" or "bitch" or "ho" and it's ok for them but when other people use it, it's a big racial slur.
my point is, we should stop doing all these. stop saying all these nonsense about each other. calling each other "fags" and our straight female friends "fag hags". it's an open invitation for the non-gay people to take advantage of the words and throw it back at us! why is it okay for us to degrade and insult ourselves and we expect others to respect us!?
i'm guilty of many of these things. it's like when my gay friends and i go out. there's a malay(me), 2 chinese(paris and nicole) and 1 chindian(missJ). my favourite line to say when we all sit down is, "look at us. we're like the mobile gay benetton ad!" or when i make jokes about the malays. there was once when a group of us were out(all of us being malays) and one of my friends exclaimed that he recently got himself a good job. almost by instinct, i said out loud, "at the local 7-11?" and we all burst out laughing. it was funny to us. but perhaps we didn't realise the implications of things like these. the effects it will have on the society-at-large listening in on our conversation. to them, it is okay to make these kind of jokes and remarks because the malays said it first!
and of course, the one thing that i am very guilty of that will make popagandhi really upset with me is when i saw a hott guy. he's a friend of one of my hags(see i'm using the word but without the fag!) and i immediately asked her, "is he brokeback?" she knows what i meant. and i was just making references to being gay. and it's wrong of me to do that. i'm just perpetuating the stereotype or the use of such terms as derogatory. and that's why i said that if popagandhi had not brought up the issue on her site, i wouldn't have known better. and if u're waiting for the answer. no, he is not gay!
so at the end, we should stop doing it to ourselves. i'm learning to. so all of us should! period.
posted by ryanstarr @ 11:31 AM
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